6:53 p.m. - Oct. 25, 2002
...the end is important in all things...

i feel so fucking out of it
minutes feel longer
days feel longer
weeks
months
everything seems to take forever
but i dont notice time
everything passes in a blur of faded nothingness...

i dont know what i think anymore
i dont even know how i feel anymore
im indifferent to my own existence

everything is very meaningless to me right now and nothing is worth anything...i've lost all desires and longings...

the passing of time is all i have now.

so i think i'll go get drunk and snort some coke and maybe make a jackass of myself---maybe play the fool to the one i love---maybe i'll die...it doesn't really matter anymore now does it?

It is a good viewpoint to see the world as a dream. When you have something like a nightmare, you will wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream. It is said that the world we live in is not a bit different from this.

before ~ after