2:16 a.m. - May. 11, 2003
...a pariah even among demons...

went to lamb of god tonight...

sweet beautiful release. really. fuck it feels good. i'm sore and beaten and bruised and crushed and i caused much pain and torment but i feel warm and comfortable...my neck feels broken and my ribs crushed but i am happier or at least closer to happiness than i've been in longer than i care to remember.

really though i'm tired---and i'm alone. and everything is alone and dying. but i feel alright i guess.

last night i talked to some girl i'll probably never meet and it made me feel good because she seemed like the kind of girl i want to love. she was real and had her own opinions and her own life and blahblahblah...................................... really though i'm drunk and i had a good night tonight (or at least a better night than i've been having) and last night i was reminded that people are actually out there that shouldn't die a horrible flaming death........and really none of this matters---and really nothing matters as long as you dont let it. and really i just liked her eyes... and really i think its beautiful--and really........everything is beautiful.

and now--eternity

before ~ after