1:33 a.m. - Apr. 16, 2003
...and i dont know where im going--i just want to be left alone...

sometimes in my head i just hear myself saying 'come on'--in that tired 'when is it going to end' kind of way...and really---i'd like to know.....when the fuck is it really going to fucking end.

what the fuck do i have to do to forgive and forget?

why can't i figure out how to move on?

come
fucking
on.

really.

anyway i feel sick. and not in that sick way...in that--if i dont figure something out or do something or have something happen im going to end up killing myself and/or others. and really thats not something i look forward to doing------i think.

fuck it, anyway, i'm too out of it to really write what i'm trying to say so i guess i'll go to sleep...

i really need to figure something out------------------really........anything. please.

if i ever start referring to these as the best years of my life--i'm gonna kill myself.

before ~ after