4:13 a.m. - Nov. 05, 2006
...everything all of the time...

sometimes you just got to take a step back. you got to step back and see where you are and where you're going...

you've got to decide if who you are is going to get you to who you want to be. you've got to consider the end. and it is power.

in the end you may never see your friends again. to move on. to continue in the face of defeat. to take yourself and make yourself above. it is a question of character. can you leave all that you know to experience the ends of your desire? is your desire truly important? its all subjective in the end.

you wake up in the morning. your head hurts a bit from the night before. you think about what you saw and did. you think about your tears and your smiles. you think about everyone you met and what their lives meant to them. you take a drink of water. you sit. you look forward. where are you going with this? what is important to you? why have you put yourself here in this place at this time and with all this shit to deal with? what is important in your life? where are you going? what is the truth of your desire? there are many questions. many answers. in the end it's all ash and dirt. in the end it's cyclic. in the end what i do becomes the what i do of someone else. if everything we think and know is a means to an end--then everything we think and know is simply that----the things we know and think. and beyond that. what truly matters? what is the essence of our desires? what is the importance of our lives? why is what i see and what i hear and what i know the most important of our lives? why in the end...why...why do we need reassurance? why do we need to convince ourselves of the importance of our existence? why not just live our lives and think our thoughts and know that which we have been lead to know? why not play out the eternal? why question the value?

and i say to you...why not? why should what we say and do be unimportant in the long run? if everything is unimportant in the end i argue that everything is important in the moment. all that matters is choice. all that matters is conciousness. all that matters in the end is that we are here and we are here now and this is what we choose to be and this is where we are and this is what's important to us. in the end the subjectivity of human existence is all that seperates our lives from the lives of the rock or the dirt. the fact that we know we are here and this is now is that fact which makes us desire a future--which makes us desire that which makes our lives important...that which gives our lives substance...that which makes existence the ends to which we so desire.

before ~ after