12:59 a.m. - Oct. 31, 2006
...if nothing compels me to save my life, nothing prevents me from precipitating myself into the abyss...

so i was reading sartre's being and nothingness and i had to stop because what i had just read blew my mind. not that i didn't believe it or comprehend it--simply that it was just so right---so true. i've been sitting here for about 45 minutes just reading it over again and again in my head and i'm perfectly content doing this for the rest of the night.

i'm just happy because this is one of those rare occasions where my mind is complacently occupied with something other than depression and obsession. it feels nice to be thinking about something that doesn't make me unhappy or angry or insane.

there ought to exist for the human being, in so far as he is conscious of being, a certain mode of standing opposite his past and his future, as being both this past and this future and as not being them

before ~ after