1:53 a.m. - Sept. 27, 2004
...i can still feel you---even so far away...

i dont know if i'll ever let myself be happy. lately i keep finding myself alone and....depressed isn't the word but its the first one that comes to mind. i'm trying hard to get back on my feet again---trying to get my life together...trying to make plans and set goals...but all of it feels so futile at the end of the night.

try to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

sitting alone in a dark room late at night staring down the barrel of a glass of whiskey. that moment of infinite reflection where your head is empty and yet full of thought. the moment right before everything disappears and you take the drink. i dont know...i'm stuck right in that feeling. and i'm alone there. and i don't know whats next. and i'm tired of this. i dont know what to do.

the more things change
the more they stay the same

before ~ after