1:59 a.m. - Mar. 11, 2004
...the times they are a changin...

so i might be getting sued by paramount pictures/universal studios for copyright infringement...thats not good news.....i doubt anything will come of it but its just another thing in the back of my head stabbing its way around my mind.

last night i had a lot of shitty dreams...the last one i had seems to have stayed with me.

it seems like no matter how hard i try to get past this part of my life i still can't stop dreaming about her. heh.


i dont know what it was about this dream that is bothering me so much. the dream started out with me at a computer in some garage that was apparently mine...people coming and going...there was some sort of party going on...it was my house---but it wasn't a house i've ever been to in real life. the dream went on for a while with me trying to figure out what was going on and where i was and i figured out that i had died...and this was a party for my death.....for some reason the party was at 'my house' and i didn't know any of the people....they were all her new friends and her boyfriends friends....people i've never met in real life....out of the hundred or so people i only knew 5 or 6...and i was angry at them. i was angry they let me die or something like that....i was trying to get them to leave...i wanted to have a beer and let myself die....i didn't want to deal with their new lives....i wanted my life to end so i wouldn't have to experience their lives without me. a lot of shit happened....apparently i had been a photographer......but there was some sort of gallery room...and this girl had put up 'her art about me' which was really just art i had made that she had stolen. everyone was happy and unnaffected by me being there and i tried to figure out what had gone wrong ....i never really figured out what was going on but i know it depressed the hell out of me when i woke up.......and when i did wake up i realized that this art that i had seen in my dream (which in my opinion was amazing fucking art) was not anything i had ever seen before....so really......i had just had this dream about all this shit....and on top of that there were all these images of art that had never been made...........................................i realized i had just had a dream and the art the girl in the dream had stolen from me was really art that i have in my head that has never been made.....this of course made me want to create this art in real life. and i started going crazy with ideas based on the images i had seen in my dream............the show was called 'times terese' in my dream for some reason even though it only had a few images of her......but i dont know.......i'm still trying to figure out why i can't get this dream out of my head......and why its so fucking depressing to me.....

its like i just had this dream about my life...and none of it was real...but this dream was so serious and realistic that it has changed the way i feel about people i know in real life...and its changed other things in my life.....and i really dont know what to think about that. i dont like that i feel betrayed by the people i know in real life because of what happened in my dream....but i do. and i can't fix it......

anyway i just had to ramble about that for a bit to work it out in my head.
god that dream really fucked my life up.


also--down with corporations and government---fuck the world fuck copyrights and fuck everything and everyone. i wish it would all just end so i wouldn't have to give a shit anymore.

before ~ after