12:30 a.m. - Oct. 20, 2003
...sunday morning is every day for all i care...

i just wrote this long paragraph rambling explaining how whenever i buy a pair of sunglasses i wear them obsessively until they break in some comically unfortunate way.....and it always happens....seriously...they always break. but yeah i decided talking about sunglasses is pretty lame so i scratched that idea...(and wrote a boring paragraph about writing that boring paragraph)


aaaaaanyway...i just got back from chicago a few hours ago...i like big cities. a lot of people complain that the world is too crowded and humans consume this and that and we dont care about the environment and blah blah blah....its too late kids. we've driven mother earth into a sea of hellfire from which she could never possibly return--so i say....embrace this hell. i love huge decrepid buildings 20 stories high made of decaying brick that looks like it could colapse at any time...i love walls painted over so many times that no matter how hard you scrape you'll never reach the original surface....i love giant masterpieces of engineering genius----all the time people have wasted (see: devoted) in their lives coming up with ways to create these impossible monuments to whothefuckcares....its just so fucking beautiful....standing under construction scaffolding that's not going to move for another 4 years looking accross cracked dying streets into alleyways older than my grandparents that look as if they're just begging to be swallowed up by the earth they've suffocated for whoknowshowlong........its all just so fucking horribly beautiful. glass windows stacked on steel frames so high it strains your eyes and neck just to look to the top......walking for what seems like hours to get to the crack between two buildings you thought were only a block away....realizing that everything around you is so big and stupid and powerful that you could and will be crushed if you stand there long enough.........these giant beasts begging to just give in to time...to feel no more pain..........and you just want to tell them to stay there....hold on as long as they can....because they're so high and beautiful...and they will never understand what its like to feel so small and alone.............its just so fucking beautiful to walk around and know even with so many people running around getting in your way bumping into you stumbling over the curbs and into the streets into buildings into offices and coffee shops and diners and shitters....its just so fucking beautiful to realize that even with everyone here all at the same time...you're with all these people and its so beautiful and no one notices....and you're just so alone...even with everyone in the world right there right next to you....so alone...........and you dont even know what to say or how to tell them...its just too fucking beautiful.

before ~ after