1:08 a.m. - Oct. 14, 2003
...lost inside the echoes...

already mid october...time flies when you feel fucking dead.

it seems like these days when i close my eyes the burn is so perfect i can't decide what i should do next---should i open them...should i close them tight and cry...or just never open them again...

yet everything seems alright...

i'm so close to something...and i really have no idea what it is...some sort of change......something different..........i've been in this pause for so long---the lines are begining to show----i hardly recognize the feeling i've known as pain for so long.....how long has it been.......my heart is too tired to count.........

and no matter how hard he tries to bring it back...its gone forever. and all he can do is watch it fade away into some obscure horizon he'll never see again. and he thinks to himself...................what now...what now?

and in his eyes you can see the pain is so pure it flows through him like crushing river water just waiting for something to give.

really...what now?

before ~ after