12:55 a.m. - Jun. 03, 2003
...the way people live to be remembered...

well i dont remember what i wanted to say but i doubt it was important.

right now--in general--in life--i think i feel like i'm crying...and really i dont know why. well i wouldn't really say i'm crying...its just that feeling---hmm...its like....when you're experiencing something so tragic and powerful and your eyes water up and you try as hard as you can not to cry........all day i feel like i'm stuck right there at that instant...the instant right there where you can't hold the tears back anymore and really you don't want to and really you wish you hadn't even tried in the first place........and then you just let go and tears pour down your face and you just dont care and you just---for just one second...you enjoy the release--and wish you could stay there------forever...............................................
well--i haven't quite made it that far yet.

by the way--don't ever worry about me..i'm not worth it....i'll be fine---they're just words and its just life----dont ever presume to understand either.

some days we almost feel alive
and most days we forget to live
for some reason there's a lot i can't bring myself to say
you know what on everything everything

before ~ after