2:13 a.m. - Mar. 03, 2003
...some motherfuckers are always tryin to ice skate up hill...

sometimes you see the world so clearly---and you know just what to do--and just when to do it...just what you should have done---and when you should have done it...

i'm so very tired of it all. of everything. i'm just tired of it. and i'm losing my ability to push through---i can feel myself slipping...i just dont have the strength anymore. i'm just tired. and i want this to end---somehow.

laying down thinking of nothing brings the worst of it...staring at a blank spot on the wall i can feel the tears swell up...and these days i don't even know why. i really dont know.

it seems like life used to feel worth living...and it seems like it still should......but really when i'm alone and i can feel this feeling...it really doesn't seem all that important anymore...it really just doesn't seem important at all.

and its scary...and its sad...and i dont know what happened...and i'm sure there was a time when it wasn't like this-----but i can't seem to remember it...and it doesn't look like its going to get better any time soon. and even if it does get better---it really wont...really---it just wont.

so whatever. i dont know anything anymore and really it doesn't matter. really...it doesnt.

its just sad thats all.

before ~ after