4:42 a.m. - Feb. 09, 2003
...i am just a dreamer but you are just a dream...

when i was younger i used to think drowning was the worst way to die. i just always imagined how it would feel to be there in the water---maybe you could even see the surface-----it'd be so close...just looking up there at the sky knowing that you're going to drown---knowing you'll never be able to take another breath of air---or see another rainy day. i try to imagine what that would be like-----knowing it was all over and you couldn't even take your last breath. and now when i really think about it---i wonder----------when you're drowning...when you realize you're going to die...and you look up and see the world--trapped there under the water....i wonder---would you even be able to cry?

anyway
i feel very alone.
i feel sad and alone.
and i really don't know why.
i guess i've always basically felt this way---but it just seems worse these days...and what bothers me is there isn't any reason. and i feel like i've said this before. but yeah...i really just don't know. if you would, do me a favor and stare blankly at something for a minute and try not to think about anything at all. you know that vibrating feeling you get in your head---that's how i feel.

i tell you that i'll always want you near
you say that things change my dear

before ~ after