5:00 p.m. - Jan. 01, 2003
...its only tears that im crying...

i can feel my heart dying---i dont really know why--i can just feel the muscles strugle and push and cry...i can seriously feel it. the pain is bearable--its the emptiness that hurts. its being alone---its not understanding------not being able to forget--not being able to give up------its the nothingness that brings this on... but we cant change what is---and there is surely nothing more important than the single purpose of the present moment. so i'll just open my eyes and take it all in and all i can do is open my eyes and all i can do is open my eyes.

at least there is still beauty in the world. at least there is still beauty. at least there's beauty.

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

before ~ after